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Mixed Orientation Marriages Calls for Deeper Understanding

Many women find a tumultuous blow to their marriage, hurled at them, when they accidentally discover 'Gay' tendencies of their husbands or life partners. And life for them and the marriage appears to come to a grinding halt.//

Take the case of Mrs. Remmele, a respiratory therapist in rural Minnesota, who in June of 2000 stumbled upon her husband’s profile in the website Though they spoke about it and wept over it, her husband eventually left her to spend nights with his boyfriend. They were divorced soon enough.

“The Social Organization of Sexuality,” carried out a study in 1990, and according to their statistics, this is perhaps just one among an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women, who at some point of time were married or are still married to gay men. Alarmingly, 3.9 percent of the American married men, had had sex with men in the preceding five years .Lead author, Edward O. Laumann, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, has said that nearly 2 to 4% of married women were either aware or unaware of these tendencies , but were a part of these mixed-orientation marriages, with nearly10,000 to 20,000 of wives, in their 20’s or 30’s having contacted online support groups for help.

Joe Kort, a clinical social worker in Royal Oak, Mich. says that "These men genuinely love their wives,” and that the hundreds of gay married men, actually believed themselves to be heterosexual men with homosexual inclination, restraining it to a private fantasy.

In Kort’s words, "They fall in love with their wives, they have children, they're on a chemical, romantic high, and then after about seven years, the high falls away and their gay identity starts emerging. They don't mean any harm."

Mr. Kort, however, has advised women to look deeper into the underlying issues for such tendencies. In his opinion, "Straight people rarely marry gay people accidentally.”

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