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Is Blunt Honesty The Best Policy? Queendom.com’s Latest Research Reveals That Tact Still Rules
Date:5/6/2013

tle="Dr. Jerabek's LinkedIn profile" onclick="linkClick(this.href)">Dr. Jerabek. “It’s not a matter of being fake but rather, making it a point to adapt to the social context – to empathize, to make others feel comfortable, and to create harmonious interactions. Low self-monitors are not able - or not willing - to do this.”

So how do people self-monitor without feeling like they’re being fake?

“A little bit of civility and diplomacy never killed anyone, and they make social interactions so much smoother,” says Dr. Jerabek. “You can still get your message across. You can deliver criticism. You can disagree with someone’s opinion. But you can do it without offending. The bonus is that this way, others don’t get defensive because they feel respected, and that makes a whole world of difference.”

Here’s what the researchers at Queendom.com advise:

  •     Use the phrase, "I understand.” This phrase will support your goals if the tension is high and you need to find common ground to form compromises or agreements with others. You can disagree with them, and still appreciate their point of view. This is one of the tenants of good negotiation skills – show them you know where they are coming from, show them that you understand their point of view. Point out what you have in common before pressing on with your viewpoint or demands. Chances are that antagonism will be replaced with a spirit of collaboration.
  •     Own your feelings. Consider the difference between “You always do things without thinking about how I will feel” vs. “I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter.” “You” phrases put the other person on the defensive. “I” phrases allow them to see things from your point of view.
  •     Take a time-out. It's important to cool down emotionally when circumstances make you feel angry, even if it’s just going outsid
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