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Connective Parenting Responds to Claims that High School is the Worst Place for Adolescents
Date:2/6/2013

in high school predicts who we will be as adults.

The conclusion drawn by Senior, is that if teens behave and feel more intensely in adolescence than at any other time and are working out identity for the first time while preoccupied with how they appear to others, then “most American high schools are almost sadistically unhealthy places to send adolescents…. At the time they experience the most social fear, they have the least control; at the time they are most sensitive to the impressions of others, they’re plunked into an environment where it’s treacherously easy to be labeled and stuck on a shelf.” In other words, the high school experience is a recipe for shame.

Certainly many teens sail through high school successfully and with increased self-esteem, says Bonnie Harris. Is it because they are tall, attractive, and smart? Or is it because they have developed self-regulatory skills earlier on that help them cope through these years of vulnerability. Sometimes high school provides an environment suited to a student’s need; thus the student thrives. But certainly not in all cases.

Parenting connectively from the early years, Harris says, creates a solid foundation the child can stand on throughout those vulnerable, self-doubting, adolescent years. Connective Parenting aids the development of self-regulatory skills since the child problem solves rather than is punished, threatened and told what to do. Through acceptance and support, parents are able to teach even very young children strategies for managing their feelings and reactions instead of being overrun by them. Identity is stronger when the young child’s experience is reflected back supportively rather than criticized, praised and
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