Navigation Links
Connective Parenting Announces the Do's and Don’ts of Power Struggles: What Parents Need to Know to Regain Peace
Date:3/12/2013

Peterborough, NH (PRWEB) March 12, 2013

A parenting power struggle is a fight to the finish when the parent and child are both out to win, says Bonnie Harris director of Connective Parenting. Most parents believe they are right because, after all, they’re the parent. If the parent wins, the child must lose.

Fear is what fuels the parent’s need to win, says Harris. And fear feeds the ego. When fear takes over, parents make mistakes they regret. A child becomes defiant and the parent sees unending disobedience and incompetent parenting. It becomes about the future instead of the behavior. The parent takes the defiance personally and reacts emotionally.

However, in the moment of the defiance, the parent does have a choice even though he may feel trapped and out of control. He can react or not. There is no power struggle when the parent chooses not to engage. The parent must let go of ego if non-engagement is the choice.

Letting go of ego means a shift in perception of the behavior. Instead of seeing the child as being a problem, it requires seeing that she is having a problem, claims Connective Parenting. With that shift, emotions switch automatically from anger to compassion. In that space, the parent no longer feels the need to fight.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

The Don’ts:

  •     Don’t try to reason with an upset child. Rational thought is impossible when the child’s system is stressed.
  •     Don’t resist to resistance.
  •     Don’t punish, threaten, or coerce.
  •     Don’t give in or try to fix it. Feeling responsible for the child’s feelings, leads to attempts to make him happy (not within the parent’s power).
  •     Don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. The child is expressing upset in the only way he knows how right now.
  •     Don’t ask questions.
  •     Don’t worry, jump to conclusions or catastrophize into the future.

The Do's:

  •     Detach. Understand that the child is having the problem.
  •     Observe and listen. Allow the child’s feelings to express until they dissipate.
  •     Maintain a “holding” attitude. Accept the emotions as is and empathize.
  •     Hold the child as soon as the child allows.
  •     Acknowledge emotions and desires. “You really don’t want to go to school today. I bet you wish you could stay home and play with me.”
  •     Allow in fantasy what can’t happen in reality. “Wouldn’t it be fun if you had a magic wand. What would be the first thing you would change?”
  •     Honor desires even when they can’t be met. “How do you think you could make that happen?”
  •     Offer a choice. “Do you want to put your clothes on or would you like me to today?” “You don’t have a choice about going to school but you do have a choice about how you will feel about it. You can be grumpy or you can be open to what happens. It’s your choice.”
  •     Be an intentional parent. Plan, anticipate, give warnings, set predictable expectations and be firm and clear with limits.

When the child feels accepted for his desires, cooperation is more likely even when he can’t have what he wants. Resistance is his way of saying that he doesn’t like being told what to do. Some children are more sensitive to that than others.

Attempting to stop the child’s behavior with a power struggle shows disrespect for the child’s intention and asks the child to be the grown-up first.

About Connective Parenting:
Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed., parent educator for 25 years, founded Connective Parenting in 2003 with the release of her first book, "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons". Connective Parenting is based on principles, found in her second book, "Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You'll Love to Live With," that focus on the child's strengths rather than inadequacies while creating a balance between the child's needs and the parent's. Harris teaches parenting workshops, professional trainings and gives speaking engagements internationally. For more information, call 603 924-6639 or visit http://www.connectiveparenting.com.

Read the full story at http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/3/prweb10494222.htm.


'/>"/>
Source: PRWeb
Copyright©2012 Vocus, Inc.
All rights reserved

Related medicine news :

1. Connective Parenting Responds to Claims that High School is the Worst Place for Adolescents
2. Connective Parenting asks: When It Comes to Mass Shootings—What About Parenting?
3. Dr. Edward Farber Publishes Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate Powerful Advice for Co-parenting After Divorce
4. Source of conflict: Study finds factors that can shape divorced mothers co-parenting experiences
5. Science of parenting, the link between sexism and racism, death and the supernatural, and more
6. Blueline Products Announces “The Dr’s Choice Weight Loss Program,” Exclusively Recommended by the Doctors for Patients
7. Anian Pettit Tunney Piedmont Oakland Real Estate Announces Number 2 Out of 66 Agents at The Grubb Company in Piedmont Oakland, $47M in Sales for 2012
8. SMD Inc. Announces Acquisition of Prime Electro Products
9. Research & Markets Announces the Release of 'European Road Freight Transport 2012'
10. Research and Markets Announces the Release of "Europe Beauty and Personal Care B2C E-Commerce Report 2012"
11. Articlesontap Announces New Partnership With QuoteYouToday
Post Your Comments:
*Name:
*Comment:
*Email:
(Date:3/24/2017)... , ... March 24, 2017 , ... “End Time GPS”: ... salient events will interrelate. “End Time GPS” is the creation of published author, ... expert while working on military munitions and space-vehicle projects. Now, at age ninety-one, he ...
(Date:3/24/2017)... ... March 24, 2017 , ... “The Adventures of Joey, The Dog ... dog who lives his life to the fullest, as God intended. “The Adventures of ... Holmgren, a mother and grandmother pursuing her passion for writing, especially about truth and ...
(Date:3/23/2017)... ... March 23, 2017 , ... The physicians of KSF Orthopaedic Center ... Houston Area. The new location is located at 2255 E. Mossy Oaks Rd., Suite ... This newest location will provide patients living in the north Houston area (The Woodlands, ...
(Date:3/23/2017)... ... March 23, 2017 , ... PAINWeekEnd (PWE) Oklahoma ... North Broadway Avenue, will be an educational and exciting program providing busy clinicians ... management of chronic pain. , Oklahoma is in a healthcare crisis. The state ...
(Date:3/23/2017)... New York, NY (PRWEB) , ... March 23, 2017 , ... 82% of adults are ... every 3 kids do not brush their teeth the minimum two times a day that ... teeth; with students missing 51 million hours of school and adults missing 164 million hours ...
Breaking Medicine News(10 mins):
(Date:3/24/2017)... 23, 2017  HealthMine surveys with 9,250 insured consumers ... health plan members want help from their plans in ... in their health, 2) help closing gaps in care, ... health and 5) relevant, real-time guidance. Meeting these needs ... costs. A Reason to Stay ...
(Date:3/24/2017)... The Board of Directors of Nordic Nanovector ASA (OSE: ... complete 2016 Annual Accounts with notes. The report is attached ... the section Investor Relations/Reports and presentations/Annual Reports. ... For further information, please ... Cell: +47-91-51-95-76 Email: ir@nordicnanovector.com Media enquiries: ...
(Date:3/23/2017)... Mar. 23, 2017 Research and Markets has ... Analysis By Procedure, Replacement Procedure By Technique, Repair Procedure By Technique, ... ... Devices Market is forecasted to grow at a CAGR of 13.35% ... is driven by rising aging population, growth in population with heart ...
Breaking Medicine Technology: